he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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