I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
