You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
