Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
