Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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