I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
