So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
