Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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