All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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