That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
