you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
