Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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