Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
