I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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