how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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