there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
