tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
