I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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