Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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