I didn't shave. On purpose
someone get that fucking seahorse.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
