He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I currently don't understand fingers.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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