I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
