I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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