Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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