Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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