did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
