Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
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