I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
