Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
