eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
