He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
His nipple licking is glorious
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