i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
