Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Houston, we have a squirter
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
