thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
