There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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