I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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