Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
people are starting to question the shark bite story
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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