Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
