He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
