NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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