Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
