I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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