Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
