take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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