i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
