When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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