You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
