Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
