Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
another moral hangover. fuck.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
