Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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