things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
