onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
