Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
