I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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