i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
